Why You SHOULD Give Up

Was Winnie Wrong?

“Never, Never, NEVER give up!”
– Winston Churchill

Sixty-eight years ago, on October 29, 1941 Winston Churchill first spoke those now immortal words to a hopeful British nation.  Europe, and indeed the entire globe was hungry for any inspiration during the dark days of World War II.  Not only did that speech help turn the tide of events, it has since become a rallying cry for those whose backs are pressed tightly against a wall with seemingly nowhere else to go.

I think Winnie was wrong.

There I said it.

I’ll say it again, just for effect.

Winnie was wrong!

Are you ready for a good muscle-tussle now?  Did I touch on a belief that you have held sacred for many years?

You see, I think there are times you SHOULD give up… with certain qualifications!  I’m not here to take on Winnie’s venerable words of wisdom.  But I am here to make YOU think!

You Against the World

How long has it been ‘You against the world‘?  I’m not talking victim behavior, although that can be a part of this equation.  I’m talking about YOU trying to do everything… EVERYTHING by yourself, even when you know you are so bad and desperately need help.

We are all blessed with unique sets of talents and skills.  Some people (like Maggie) have the physique of an aerobics instructor, although they rarely ‘diet’ and simply walk once or twice a week for their exercise.  I can’t do that!

Some people, like my step-daughters, can make instant and life-long friends within seconds of walking into a room full of strangers.  I can’t do that!

However, what I AM good at is time structure and organization.  My world runs tighter than well-run train schedule.  For the first time in their lives, my ladies know what a routine is.  As long as I’m around, they stay pretty much on time.  They really could NOT do that without me.

I’m also very skilled in personal development, especially when it comes to encouraging others.  My best and most recent example is in my relationship with Maggie.  I am exactly what she needed.  She struggled mightily in this area nearly all of her life.  She had two extremely toxic and abusive relationships before we met.

I don’t know how long it took after we got together — I’m guessing sometime within a year — Maggie gave up.  Yup, she gave up struggling with relationships and really started to trust my strength.  She saw my encouragement and support as genuine.  In fact, her co-workers began telling her the same things.

As I look back over the past four years, I marvel at how much we’ve grown as a couple.  It only gets better by the day.  In fact, our relationship is the inspiration for this article.  If we could grow so much because Maggie ‘gave up’, I thought, “What if I gave up some of the things I’m not so good at, too?”

This weekend, it’s my turn.

You AND Me Against the World

OK, up until now I’ve been guilty of being the kind of guy who tried to do everything… EVERYTHING by himself.  (It’s a guy-thing) However, one area that I am dreadfully bad at is in finances.  Oh, I can make the money alright.  There were several years where I made six-figure incomes.  The trouble is, I also managed to spend every nickel of those salad years — PLUS an extra 10-20%.  My wallet was an ever-revolving door… mostly outbound.  Not only couldn’t I keep what I made, I was forever in debt.

Maggie, on the other hand, is a financial magnet.  I swear, this lady does miracles with far less than I’ve made in my working life.  Her retirement investments are well tended.  She’s got the mortgage on an accelerated schedule.  The girl’s education funds are topped up.  Maggie has even looked after life insurance needs when the girls grow up and leave the nest.

Her credit cards are clear.  She can even go on an occasional shopping splurge, bringing home new outfits for herself and little surprises for everyone.  My wife amazes me.  Finances are CLEARLY her strength.

Yet, when she asks me, “Do you need any help this month, Russy?”

“NOPE!” is my immediate, stubborn, too-damned-proud-for-my-own-good answer.

Maggie KNOWS I’m in a career transition with my old business winding down.  She KNOWS my reputation for making money disappear.  And she KNOWS how to get everything back in order again.

She just needs me to GIVE UP.

What Happens If You DON’T Give Up?

First of all, let’s take a look at why people continue to bang their heads on walls when help is practically throwing itself in their paths.  There probably are as many different reasons as there are people.  Here are my top excuses, the ‘Deadly Three P’s':

• Pride – Well, you know what they say about this one, “Pride will come before the fall.” The thing about being too proud to ask for help is that you continue to use the very same thinking that got you trouble in the first place.  In fact, most proud people simply do MORE of what they were already doing wrong.  Got pride?  Swallow it – get help instead.
• Privacy – I’ve always been an extremely private person.  ‘None-of-your-business’ should have been my middle name.  In fact, up until now I’ve kept my business operations away from family conversations.  However, now with my present business dwindling toward the end this coming February, my ability to contribute to the family in my usual and customary way is being seriously compromised.
• Protection – I try to justify my behavior by calling it, “Protecting my family from the worst news.”  I don’t want my wife to worry.  Let’s just call a spade a spade OK — this excuse I call ‘protection’ is really pride and privacy combined, and it’s a cancer.  You can’t hold deep, dark secrets for long before they start eating away at your insides.

Different people react to pressure in different ways.  More often than not, I’m like a wounded, sick animal, growling and grumpy all the time.  Life is one endless frustration.  And it needn’t be this way at all.  I have access to a financial wizard right here in my family.

What I Really Meant When I Said You SHOULD Give Up

I hope I’ve been clear with my message.  In case you somehow missed the point, let’s quickly recap:

• Winnie was wrong when he said, “Never, never, NEVER give up!”
• There ARE times when you SHOULD give up – here are the qualifications:
  • Stop trying to do everything… EVERYTHING on your own, especially the things with which you have no reasonable chance of success.
  • Realize that you CAN have everything you want and need.  You just can’t always have it YOUR way.  The things you want and need most often come through others in exchange for your own gifts which they, in turn, want and need.
  • With that being the case, start giving the things you are good at away as fast and as much as you can.  Let go of the rest.  GIVE UP!

That’s exactly what I’m doing this long Thanksgiving Weekend here in Toronto.  I’m GIVING UP and opening my business books to the greatest financial wizard I know.  Already I feel such a sense of relief.  I’ll finally be free to do more of the things I’m best doing.

Can you tell I already Love That Feeling? Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian family and friends!

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