“Who Are All These People? -

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Look At How Far We’ve Come

I was doing some computer maintenance this morning, cleaning up some old files that I no longer wanted or needed. In the process, I came across some gems that I had written not that long ago. The following is this kind of a jewel from about two and a half years ago. For me, it’s an amazing reminder of just how far we’ve come.

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from January 22, 2008:

“Hurry now, your daddy is waiting!”

“He’s NOT my daddy… he’s my step-dad,” my little step- daughter corrected when she was told to run along because I was waiting for her at the elevator.

This type of scenario happens on a very regular basis lately; I would even dare to say that it is becoming a daily occurrence. My energetic, extroverted four-year old is trying to put it all together. Who are all these people in her life and how do they all fit together?

The conversation continued as we rode up the elevator, “You’re my step-daddy, right Russ?”

“That’s right,” I said, returning her sweet and innocent smile.

Then her questions continued, “And Chandie is my real daddy, right Russ?”

“That’s right,” I replied, matching her enthusiasm.

So far, so good.

Then the fun began…

“Who is your real mommy?” I asked, testing the extent of this sweet child’s understanding.

I could see her synapses crackle and fry as she blurted out, “Felicia.”

I tried to correct her, “Mommy Maggie is your real mommy.”

Confusion quickly led to upset, “NO, RUSS, FELICIA is my REAL mommy!”

Whoa-kay, Russ… time for a different approach.

Thankfully we reached our floor and got off the elevator. Soon we would be inside our home and the subject would change… or so I thought.

My little girl persisted and I couldn’t pass up the teaching opportunity that presented itself like diamond on a silver platter.

I understand the confusion. You see, there’s Mommy Maggie – her real mom; Mommy Felicia – her real dad’s partner; and Mommy Ruth – her daycare sitter.

And this is the way it has been for the past two years. Even this little one’s half-sister, my 11-year-old step- daughter, has a real dad and step-mom. So for the little one, this is the real world… this is normal, even if she doesn’t have a firm grip on who’s who quite yet.

I tried my ‘watermelon’ technique – that’s where I give a choice of something obvious vs. a ridiculous answer. (eg. Are you a girl or are you a watermelon?)

I asked her if Mrs. Alexander was her real mommy.

“No, Russ” her voice laughed as she always does when I say something silly. “She’s my teacher!”

She was also able to correctly deduce that Mommy Ruth was NOT her real mommy. Still she had a challenge sorting out the remaining two mommies.

Just then I had an ‘Ah-ha’ moment!

Trying to think like this four-year-old, I concluded that if I’m the step-daddy then the lady who lives with me MUST be the step-mommy. That would make the lady who lives with her real daddy the real mommy.

I passed this concept by her saying, “So if I’m your step- daddy, that means Mommy Maggie is your step-mommy, right?”

“That’s right, Russ!” she beamed, proud of me that I had actually figured it out in a way that agreed with her picture of the world.

I smiled too, knowing that my little buddy was growing up and becoming more aware of her surroundings. We had taken just one tiny step in sorting out all this ‘step-stuff’.

For now she was satisfied. It was like the feeling she got after reading one of her favorite stories – she knew all the main characters and they all lived happily ever after.

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Today is May 23, 2010. Ambrosia calls me Russy now. I’ve forgotten when the ‘y’ was added, but it seems like it has always been there.

And sometimes… SOMETIMES, she even calls me Daddy. Well, at least she is in no hurry these days to correct others when they say, ‘Your daddy is waiting for you.”

That’s my girl! Did I say happily ever after?