“When this old world starts getting me down
And people are just too much for me to face
I climb way up to the top of the stairs
And all my cares just drift right into space”
Awesome song by Carol King and Gerry Goffin
Best performance: James Taylor (as seen here)
The Perfect Escape
Who doesn’t feel like this from time to time? Lately, Maggie and I have been going out for longer walks for the very reason that a certain person is becoming just too much for us to face. Our pre-teen is growing – hey, we’re ALL evolving through this experience – as we grapple with the transference of responsibility and accountability.
For self-care to be most effective, you have to find an ‘escape’ that works for you. Many experts will tell you that the best methods include some kind of physical activity. This allows the pent-up emotions to dissipate more readily. For some people, this may require going down to the gym, strapping on a pair of boxing gloves, and beating the bejeebers out of a punching bag. For others like Maggie and I, a long walk with a trusted friend works wonders.
Another good piece of advice is to switch your focus to anything BUT ‘the problem’. You ARE escaping after all, right? This is NOT the time to brainstorm and problem-solve. Rather, it’s an opportunity to refresh, reset, and renew. After last night’s two-and-a-half hour walk, I still had a bit of dread returning to the lion’s den. But compared to the way I felt before the walk… words can’t begin to describe the positive change.
Escape as an Excuse
As much as we all NEED self-care (note the emphasis on the word NEED), escape – like all good things in life – can be easily abused. Too much of a good thing is, well… not good.
For example, my default is to withdraw at the first sign of conflict.
Oh, there are times when I fasten my holster and go into battle with guns-a-blazing, but when the opposition puts up some resistance, or heaven forbid – a fight – I immediately go into my Gandhi act, turning into a passivist.
“Fine! Do it your way! See if I care!” I mutter to myself as I turn my back.
In fact, you’ll recall from my recent posts that I actually quit!
Escape vs. Quit – What’s the Diff?
Escaping (occasionally and temporarily)
Getting away from it all.
Taking a break.
These are all good and necessary forms of self care.
However, at some point you have to face those people and circumstances that are ‘just too much’ head on.
You don’t get that opportunity when you quit.
In fact, things always get worse when you quit because you attract more and more of the things you are trying to escape. That’s why quitters never win, and winners never quit.
Last weekend I told Maggie that I quit.
Today I told her that I was sorry.
Is This Your Idea of a Role Model?
As I mentioned above, our current main challenge is the transference of responsibility and accountability to our pre-teen. The predominant theme in our home the past few weeks has been, “Say what you are going to do… then DO what you say.”
This morning it hit me like a ton of bricks.
“Russy, what about YOUR WEDDING VOWS? Are YOU DOING what you said you would?”
Holy jumpin’!
What kind of a role model have I been?
Nowhere in my wedding vows did it even remotely suggest that I could quit when the going got tough. See for yourself.
Here’s a video of our wedding ceremony. Come on, it’s less than five minutes. The complete transcript appears right after.
Complete Transcript:
J.P. = Justice of the Peace
J.P. “To be mindful of each other and to care for each other continuously.”
J.P. “Do both of you come freely and willingly to be married to each other.”
Both of us: “Yes”
J.P. “Whenever love beckons to you, follow it and when it speaks to you, believe in it.”
J.P. “Russell, do you take Maggie whom you hold by the hand to be your wife, promising to cherish, to honour, and to respect her always?”
Russ: “Yes, I do.”
J.P. “Maggie, do you take Russell to be your husband, promising to cherish, to honour, and to respect him always?”
Maggie: “Yes, I do.”
J.P. “What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together, to be with each other always.”
J.P. “Russell, would you look to your bride and repeat to her your promise of commitment after me…”
J.P. “I, Russell”
Russ: “I, Russell”
J.P. “Embrace you Maggie as my wife”
Russ: “Embrace you Maggie as my wife”
J.P. “To share life with you”
Russ: “To share life with you”
J.P. “Its responsibilities”
Russ: “Its responsibilities”
J.P. “And its freedoms”
Russ: “And its freedoms”
J.P. “This is my heart’s promise to you”
Russ: “This is my heart’s promise to you”
J.P. “And Maggie, would you do likewise… I, Maggie”
Maggie: “I, Maggie”
J.P. “Embrace you Russell as my husband”
Maggie: “Embrace you Russell as my husband”
J.P. “Sharing life with you”
Maggie: “Sharing life with you”
J.P. “Its responsibilities”
Maggie: “Its responsibilities”
J.P. “And its freedoms”
Maggie: “And its freedoms”
J.P. “This is my promise to you”
Maggie: “This is my promise to you”
J.P. “Russell, would you receive Maggie’s ring please”
J.P. “I give you this ring”
Russ: “I give you this ring”
J.P. “As a symbol of all that we share”
Russ: “As a symbol of all that we share”
J.P. “With this ring”
Russ: “With this ring”
J.P. “I marry you”
Russ: “I marry you”
J.P. “Thank you… Maggie, would you do likewise?”
J.P. “This ring I give to you”
Maggie: “This ring I give to you”
J.P. “As a symbol of all that we share”
Maggie: “As a symbol of all that we share”
J.P. “With this ring, I marry you”
Maggie: “With this ring, I marry you”
J.P. “Join hands together for us”
J.P. “So friends, for as much as Maggie and Russell have agreed together in marriage, having witnessed the same before us, now by the authority given to me by the Province of Ontario, I pronounce you husband and wife.”
J.P. “You make exchange your gift…”
****************************************
Did you find the word “Quit” anywhere in those vows?
The moral of this story: Escape if you must – and you WILL NEED to escape from time to time. But never, Never, NEVER QUIT!
Consider my wedding vows renewed.
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