Getting a Needle? You DON’T Want to Hear These Things!
With a blood disorder like leukemia, I’ve had more than my fair share of needles and blood tests over the past ten years. As you saw in last week’s post (Russy’s Chemo Therapy), I had to wear a pretty nasty looking contraption with a needle buried in my arm for three days.
Then just a couple of days ago, I brought little Ambrosia to get her six-year-old immunization shot at the doctor’s office. Believe me when I tell you, we’re all a bit needle-weary around our house these days.
So, in honor of Needle-mania, I thought I’d make a ‘fun’ list of things you DON’T want to hear when getting a shot. After all, laughter still IS the BEST medicine!
10. This won’t hurt a bit.
“Gee, really Doc?” We’ve all heard this one, haven’t we? It’s the classic lie of all lies. Your doctor knows it’s a lie. For sure, YOU know it. If your doctor can lie to you about something so painfully obvious (or is that obviously painful), how can you possibly trust him with other important health issues?
9. There’s nothing to be afraid of.
Usually blurted out by insensitive types, this is another classic lie. In fact, my research turned up evidence of a real medical condition called ‘Needle Phobia’ affecting 10% of the population. Some people are so afraid of needles that they actually DIE of fright! Sure sounds like ‘SOMETHING’ to be afraid of to me!
8. Let’s see… what shot are you here for today?
OK, I know this doctor is super-busy. I’ve been cooling my heels in the waiting area for over an hour and a half for my 2-minute consultation. Funny thing, the other 20 people in the waiting room had a 1:00 appointment as well. Poor Doc doesn’t even know what planet he’s on anymore. That’s why he has to ask me what shot I want. “Um… how about the one that makes me feel better, Doc!”
7. This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.
Now we’re getting someplace. I read more than a few doctor training pages while researching this post and learned that many doctors really have to psyche themselves up to do intrusive work including giving needles. Some never completely overcome their squeamish feelings, as we’ll see.
6. Does this room feel like it’s spinning to you?
This may be the doctor’s way of being funny to relieve tension, both in you as well as herself. Then again, maybe not. One medical student actually gave a full description of what doctors are taught to do to avoid fainting dead away in front of their patients.
5. Oh boy… haven’t done this in a while.
Is this another veiled attempt at humor in order to break the tension? Believe it or not, giving needles to patients is NOT an everyday thing for many doctors. There’s a huge difference between a doctor who COULD give a needle with his eyes closed (implying experience) vs. the doctor who NEEDS to close his eyes while giving a shot (because it’s been so long since he’s done it)
4. Nurse, do we have any good needles left?
OK, this smirky doctor is really into torture. His sadistic brand of humor is designed to make the patient squirm and sweat all the more. With all those needles spread out on the table, can you really be sure any of them haven’t been used more than once?
3. Who’s the donkey today?
Kids love party games, right? Oh, silly, SILLY Doc – such a funny, FUN guy! When children see that the doctor’s needle is just a game, they’ll relax and willingly join in the festivities, right? That is, until they realize THEY’RE the donkey!
2. Oops!
I just hate it when I hear the doctor mutter this one under his breath, don’t you?
1. Just a little prick.
Hey, this is a family show! No further comment.
Hope this gave you a little smile today. Be sure to share the sunshine. You gotta Love That Feeling! 
My daughter Rachel hates needles….she just recently had two more immunization shots for college. I just read this to her and we both had a good laugh! I had allergy shots once a week growing up as a kid and I’m now going to an allergist in Boston again…might be doing shots again in the future. I’ll think of your article the next time I get a shot. Maybe I should print it out and give it to the nurse the next time I get one! LOL
Yes Jane, my point exactly (pun intended). I’ve yet to come across anyone who actually likes needles. Hope everything goes well for you and Rachel.
My sister, who is a nurse, offered these words from the medical professional point of view.
Ambrosia is going for immunization shot #2 this coming Monday before she starts first grade in September. I begin round #2 of chemo September 2, the day after I return from my vacation. So our needle saga isn’t over… not by a long shot. (pun intended AGAIN!)
One of these days I’ll have to tell you about my acupuncture experience.
Needles– um, I mean needless to say, it wasn’t a very good one at all. I won’t bore you with it now though. I like to keep you on pins and needles.OK, I stop now. LOL
Hello Russ, you say you’ve never met anybody who actually likes needles. Well here I am. I love the feeling of needles puncturing my skin. Just in this past month I’ve had at least six needles puncture me. I donated platelets which consisted of a needle being in my arm for about an hour, I loved every minute of it. I also got my finger pricked for an anemia test. I had two shots, one in each arm. I got a blood test done as well. And finally I got my lip piercing three weeks ago. As you see I’ve had my fair share of needles for a month and am totally comfortable with it. I have no doubt in my mind that I love needles and enjoy the feeling.
-Laura
Hey Laura,
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your point of view. (oh, I’m gonna have to replace that worn-out poor excuse for humor). And that’s what this blog is all about – what make YOU feel good! I know there are a lot of people just like you.
I’m currently taking part in a clinical trial for a new Leukemia treatment. I go in for blood tests every month. Sometimes I’m required to do other tests that require intravenous needles, injections and even worse – like bone marrow biopsy every six months. I remain squeamish… a 57 year old BABY! And for that, people poke fun at me! (OK, OK – quit with the jokes already!)
All the best from Toronto,
Russ