If My Daddy Goes, I Have to Go!
Last week I almost choked. “Excuse me? What was that, Mrs. Ambrosia?” I asked, my full-attention having been grabbed away from my lunchtime preparation duties.
Mrs. Ambrosia (that’s right, Mrs.) is what I call my six-year-old step daughter. It’s a long story for another time. 
“If my Daddy goes, then I have to go,” she repeated matter-of-factly.
The story Ambrosia told me next was reminiscent of a video she made last Christmas (the one you see above). I’ve been meaning to write about that for some time. I feel compelled to share this now.
Reluctantly Responsible
Because I’m a work-at-home step-dad, I get to hang out with Ambrosia all day while Maggie goes to her office job. This gives me the opportunity to build a special close bond with this extremely sensitive, intuitive (not to mention exhaustingly talkative) young child. In fact, Ambrosia confides in me instantly on just about any subject matter under the sun. She talks to me more easily and readily than she talks to her mom.
Admittedly, I’ve been a rather reluctant step-dad as you may have gleaned from previous posts, coming into this instant family situation after a no-kid existence for 52+ years. Maggie and the girls are slowly, but surely getting me to see that I have a tremendous positive impact on all their lives. It’s a responsibility that both awes and humbles me.
Ambrosia had just turned two when I arrived on the scene. In many ways, I feel I am more of a ‘dad’ to her than her biological dad, which brings us back to our most insightful story…
Get OUT… NOW!
“Felicia and my Daddy were fighting again. Felicia told Daddy to get out.”
Maggie and I are vigilant with Ambrosia, watching for signs of disturbed behavior (as happened last fall due to frequent access cancellations) or God forbid, indications of physical and mental abuse (which thankfully, has not happened yet). While we would never interfere with Ambrosia’s access arrangement to see her dad, we are secretly glad that he does frequently cancel his visitation weekends.
In the perverse way that only another step-parent could appreciate, I am also grateful to Ambrosia’s dad for being the way he is. If it weren’t for his inability to develop and maintain healthy relationships, I would never have met and married Maggie.
Having said that, both Maggie’s and my heart breaks a little, having to send Ambrosia off to a toxic environment where we know she will be exposed to yelling, screaming and verbal abuse between her dad and his partner. We hope that by contrast, we can show Ambrosia that it’s possible to have a good relationship. It’s a tough lesson for anyone, especially a sweet, innocent six-year-old child.
We’re All Friends Here!
What an AWESOME way to view the world!
I was amazed at Ambrosia’s wisdom and insight when she proclaimed, “If my Daddy goes…” Even at six-years-old, she already knows the score. She is also extremely adaptable, adjusting quickly to the two seemingly opposite environments between our home and her dad’s. What makes it work is that she remains an especially sweet, innocent six-year-old child. As it should be, she loves her Daddy, no matter what!
Maggie recently started reading nightly to Ambrosia, “The Little Soul” series by Neale Donald Walsch. In these books, Neale explains how we are all friendly souls playing roles that will help us to learn spiritual lessons. In fact, the souls that take on the hardest roles of ‘enemy’ and ‘antagonist’ turn out to be our best ‘friends’ in the spirit world.
Isn’t that an AWESOME way to look at people and life? By adopting the belief that a ‘foe’ is just a ‘friend’ in disguise, it certainly helps keep my family calm, secure and accepting of every thing that comes our way. You just gotta Love That Feeling!
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Hello Russ, I came across your blog through the Problogger forums and a comment you left in mine. I’ve just read this post and it almost made me cry! It sounds like you’re being an AMAZING influence to Ambrosia, and when she’s older and able to see this she’ll be grateful for having had you all these years -I’m sure she’s already happy to have you now, as you can tell by the fact that she’s quick to confide in you, but when she’s older she’ll be able to see more clearly what an important role you’ve played in her life. Thank you for sharing this beautiful and encouraging story!!
Kelly
I’m glad you enjoyed this story. I hope through this blog to convey a message of hope that within EVERY challenge; EVERY difficulty, there are treasures beyond imagination and expectation. No one escapes difficulty and challenges in this journey called life. Therefore, we need to train ourselves to see what these experiences really are – gifts and opportunities for tremendous growth. In everything, be grateful. When you Love That Feeling, everything changes for the better… ALWAYS!
Hi Russ,
I felt touched but also feelings of frustration reading your post. Children, especially at a young age, are so affected by their environment.
Its great to hear that little Ambrosia is taking things in her stride and approaching every challenge she faces with wisdom beyond her years. Every challenge has a kernel of good for sure and I do hope the love and affection your child receives from you creates a wonderful childhood for her…
take care,
Krishna
Russ, I love this story. It’s a wonderful reminder that we’re not raising kids (even though we usually think we are). What we’re really doing is raising adults… who just happen to be passing through the tenderest, most vulnerable learning stage of their life. I salute your patience, your kindness and your wisdom.
I was on the part-time father side of the equation when my 3 daughters were young, and one thing that sustained me during that time was knowing that they would be adults for far longer than they would be children. I kept my attention rivited on that, always taking the long view. It has paid off wonderfully.
Cheers from warm and smiling Thailand,
Charles