I Was Red With Anger and Embarrassment
One of my most embarrassing and humiliating moments as a child was being made to dress up in some dorky outfit. That alone would have been bad enough. But nnnoooooo… I got dragged out into the cold and dark October night. I was coerced into knocking on stranger’s doors where I had to recite some inane incantation. For this, I was told I would receive a treat. The very concept confounded and degraded me. To this day, I can’t figure out the logic behind this tradition.
The thing is, everyone else around me was jumping-up-and-down excited. I was the odd-man out. I wanted NO PART of this belittling activity. I couldn’t understand for the life of me what everybody was so ‘happy’ about. Clearly, this was THE dumbest thing ever conceived.
“You’re going OUT and you’re GOING to have FUN!” echoes my mom’s words from decades past. I don’t know how many years I actually went out against my will until I finally got my way to stay home, alone in a corner where I felt safe from all the shame and ridicule.
It’s a SPECIAL Day
The first Halloween Maggie and I were together, we had a discussion about our feelings about the holiday and the activities. I told her I didn’t DO Halloween – that it was a dumb concept, and if I had my way, it would be wiped off the calendar.
Typical guy… I really got suckered into that one. Men, you know what I’m talking about, right? Your wife asks you what you think and you blurt out an answer BEFORE you ask her where SHE is coming from.
I should have asked her how she felt about it first.
Oh my goodness, the conversation (OK, tirade) that ensued was every bit as painful and humiliating as my early childhood experiences. In fact, it got even worse as Maggie poked and probed my feelings about other ‘Special Days’ like Christmas and birthdays, etc. Not having kids from my first marriage, I told Maggie that I thought every day was… well, just another day.
Seems I couldn’t stop the ‘brutal honesty’ from pouring out of my mouth. I might have fared better if I confessed I was a mass-murderer. Did I ever get an earful.
How I Got to LIKE Halloween
Like every new couple, Maggie and continue to poke, probe and sometimes kick each other with our differences. What makes our relationship work is that we INTEND it to work. We are both well-versed in communication skills. I’ve done a lot of work in personal development. Now Maggie is studying to be a career counselor.
This has opened up a whole new world of personality studies. With an arsenal of assessment tools, Maggie is able to pinpoint exactly why I never liked things such as Halloween. I wasn’t so odd after all. My personality type is that of a learner and thinker. This type needs lots of quiet time alone to process things. We have no use for ‘fun’ social activities like Halloween. We simply can’t see the logic or the point of it all.
Maggie was able to help me use my personality type to discover ways that I COULD enjoy Halloween. No, I’ll never be able to share the joy of my girls as they run up and down the dark driveways, collecting their treats.
However, one of my core needs is to provide security. To think that my ladies are out there alone on the dark city streets of Toronto is… well, unthinkable. It gives me great pleasure to go out walking hand in hand with the love of my life, making sure my girls are safe.
And that’s how I can actually LIKE Halloween now. Pretty incredible, huh?
As Maggie and I continue to explore the fascinating world of personality dimensions, we are learning that understanding is the key to everything. Naturally, we all have likes, dislikes and preferences. By knowing about your true self, you can find ways to enjoy things you never liked before, just by seeing them through your own eyes instead of trying to see them through someone else’s perspective.
When I was a kid, I was told that dressing up in a dumb looking outfit, going out in the cold, dark October night and begging for candy was ‘FUN’. That certainly wasn’t MY idea of fun. Thanks to Maggie, my vision has been adjusted.
Plus, as we understand each other more, we rarely have those tirades that rocked our early relationship. Oh baby, you gotta Love That Feeling!
